Word-Of-the-Week #975: Narcissist
April 13, 2023 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on Word-Of-the-Week #975: Narcissist
Narcissist – excessive love or admiration of oneself.
Is there anyone in your life that continually puts you down, makes you feel small and batters your self-esteem?
This week features excerpts from “35 Phrases To Disarm a Narcissist and Why They Do the Trick, According to Therapists.” Here’s exactly how to handle confrontations with a narcissist,” by Parade columnist Shelby Deering.
“All of us deal with difficult people in our lives, no matter who we are or who we choose to keep in our circle. But sometimes, that difficulty can reach a whole new level, and there may be someone who continually puts you down, makes you feel small and batters your self-esteem.
These individuals are called narcissists. In fact, narcissism is a diagnosable condition. It’s called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), and experts estimate that around 5% of people have this disorder.
“A narcissist is someone who has a very fragile sense of self and operates with a subconscious (but debilitating) fear of not being good enough,” says Alena Scigliano, licensed psychotherapist, author, speaker and clinical expert on narcissistic abuse.
This may come as a surprise since narcissists will act superior to those around them, but deep down, they don’t feel good about themselves. Scigliano explains that as a means of survival, narcissists will develop “defense mechanisms and offense tactics,” which are both part of narcissistic abuse.
That’s why it’s key to be ready with phrases to disarm a narcissist. Whether you’re in the throes of a heated confrontation, being barraged with insults yet again or simply want to respond to an underhanded comment said during an everyday conversation, these phrases will empower you and take the narcissist down a peg (or a whole lot more than just a peg).
- What Are the Signs That Someone Is a Narcissist?
“There are many signs⎯what I call red flags⎯that someone is a narcissist,” says Scigliano. “However, the most important thing to know is that one flag does not mean someone is a narcissist. The key to determining that someone is a pathological narcissist is recognizing a pattern of multiple red flags.”
To determine if your partner, family member or friend is a narcissist, pay close attention to how this person treats those with whom they spend the most time. Do they tend to be narcissistically abusive toward one or more of those people?
Scigliano defines narcissistic abuse as a form of psychological abuse that uses dysfunctional manipulation, among other abusive tactics, to control others in order to elicit specific reactions or create circumstances that serve the needs of the narcissist—often to the detriment of others.
Jaime Mahler, LMHC, is a licensed clinical psychotherapist and shares these common traits seen among narcissists:
Low empathy or no empathy
Entitlement
Love is viewed as transactional (“What’s in it for me?”)
Relationships are viewed as tools to manipulate others
Fear of losing control over a situation, over a person or over people’s perceptions
Consistent lying/omission of truth
Seeking power positions within a family, workplace, in their religions or their businesses
Gaslighting (telling someone what they are experiencing or feeling isn’t happening/did not happen)
No respect for others’ boundaries
Lacking personal accountability
A narcissist can greatly impact your life, and typically not for the better. First of all, Scigliano says that being manipulated and controlled by another person engenders a constant sense of fear.”
This week is about knowing what a narcissist is. Do you know anyone who constantly acts superior to you or others? Do you know anyone who exhibits any of the common traits listed above?
I chose to use excerpts because of the length of this article. If you’re interested in reading the whole article click here.
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WOW Word-Of-the-Week #313: Narcissist
July 28, 2010 by Susan Clarke · Comments Off on WOW Word-Of-the-Week #313: Narcissist
Narcissist – excessive love or admiration of oneself.
Are you aware of Mel Gibson’s latest media moment? Have you ever been verbally assaulted? Have you ever known a narcissist?
David Brooks of the NY Times wrote an article titled, “The gospel of Mel Gibson.” In it he wrote the best description of a narcissist I have ever seen. “The narcissistic person is marked by a grandiose self-image, a constant need for admiration and a general lack of empathy for others. He is the keeper of a sacred flame, which is the flame he holds to celebrate himself.”
“His self-love is his most precious possession. He is hypersensitive about anybody who might splatter or disregard his greatness. If someone threatens his reputation, he regards this as an act of blasphemy. He feels justified in punishing the attacker for his moral outrage. Everyone gets angry when they feel their self-worth is threatened, but for the narcissist, revenge is a holy cause and a moral obligation, demanding overwhelming force.”
Interestingly there is a book titled, “The Narcissism Epidemic” where they cite data that suggests since the 1970s we have suffered from national self-esteem inflation. “In 1950, thousands of teenagers were asked if they considered themselves an ‘important person.’ 12% said yes. In the late 1980s, another few thousand were asked. This time, 80% of girls and 77% of boys said yes.”
Having grown up feeling that I had to always prove myself, this didn’t really surprise me. If I had a child I would encourage them to have a healthy self-esteem. The key is making sure they have a healthy understanding of empathy to go along with it.
What do you think? If you have been verbally attacked did you take it personally? Can you understand and accept that narcissists really have low self-esteem? Could you view the attacker as someone who lacks empathy? Could you feel compassion instead of anger?
Reader Responses
“I love this one.” – Ken
“At the risk of you thinking I am blowing smoke…this is the BEST piece yet on a narcissiam. I have read a number of articles about this subject…most recently they pertained to our beloved President. However, your use and description did all of us who read… a favor. (The Mel Gibson set up did prompt me to read more thoroughly.” – PC in Tennessee
“Good job! Roger and I really enjoy David Brooks and I just about agree with him on everything. I enjoy his debate time on Fridays on PBS with Washington Week in Review, and on PBS radio. I did read his article on narcissism. He’s got a good one in the paper today. One correction – you probably meant to write sacred flame instead of scared flame. It is important to love oneself in order to be whole. But there is a fine line between the self-esteem that self-love brings and making it your most important possession to the exclusion of the more important love, love of our brotherly man (and woman). I too am guilty of taking things to personally and I am trying to work on it. I pray for others when I feel attacked but it still makes me angry when I feel it’s unjustified. Or hurt. Or both. We all have to work on not looking for insult but trying to look deeper into the issue at hand.” – Elaine
“I love this-we have one in our family!” – Katie