WOW Word-Of-the-Week #386: Polite
December 28, 2011 by Susan Clarke · Leave a Comment
Polite – mindful of, conforming to, or marked by good manners.
Where you taught manners by your parents? Do you have to remind your children or grand-children to say please and thank you? How about your staff or co-workers? When someone gives you a compliment you do you say thank you? Or do you dismiss it as “no big deal?”
When I was a small child I remember having a record that I played over and over. The only lyrics I remember are these, “There are two little magic words that will open any door with ease, the first little word is Thanks and the other little word is Please.”
Two WOW’s this month have been about appreciation and Thank You! This is the time you can set a good example for your family, friends, staff and/or co-workers. Now that the gift buying and giving is over, it is time to sit down and write a thank you to those people. My feeling is this: If someone took the time and consideration to get you a gift, then you should take the time to let them know how much you appreciate it. It is just good manners!
If you’ve never sent a thank you, my biggest piece of advice is this: “You don’t have to write a book.” Two or three sentences is all it takes! And don’t procrastinate! Do it today!
This week I want you to focus on being polite. How does it feel when you are mindful of someone else and show good manners? How does it feel when people treat you politely? How would it feel to start a new tradition and write your thank you’s together as a “family?”
Reader Responses
“I just looked at this email after having talked to my mother in Florida. She usually sends gifts to the grandchildren (including my daughters) for Christmas. Outside of my girls, none of the other grandchildren sent my parents a Christmas card, let alone a thank you note for the gifts. My wife lines up the people to send thank you notes to after the holidays. I make sure that they get mailed. It is COMMON COURTESY. It says a lot about the person who takes time out of his or her day to choose an appropriate card, sit down and then mail out a card. The fact that a person thought that much to take the time to say thank you shows he or she cares. We are moving so fast today that we have lost basic politeness. Since my wife and I make it a point to have our daughters do this on a regular basis, we are sending a message by our example. Last week I could not use tickets for a basketball game and called a fellow alum to find out if he wanted the tickets. This man is a dentist who is doing very well. I never received a phone call, let alone a thank you note from him. Not even an acknowledgement that he enjoyed the game with his family or friends. I guess these are the times we live in, but we must continue to set the example for future generations. Thank you for the word, Susan. You are on top of it. Have a wonderful weekend.” – “Warrior” Joe
“”Excellent message – in this day of over-communication, thank you’s seem to have gotten lost. THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!” – Dave
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #385: Intention
December 21, 2011 by Susan Clarke · Leave a Comment
Intention – a course of action that one intends to follow.
Is the life your living satisfying and fulfilling? Is there any part you would like to change? Are your personal and business relationships as harmonious as you would like?
I saved this S T E V E ‘ S….3 – M I N U T E…. C O A C H I N G and think it’s a very timely and profound message. He writes, “Occasionally you hear, ‘I’ve set an intention.’ Or, ‘I have a powerful intention.’ Or, ‘My intention is strong.’ Or even, ‘The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.’ In this light intentions sound like something you do, actions on your part. There’s another view.
“Intentions simply are. They are to be discovered, not set, played with, not labored over. Intentions serve you rather than the other way around. If this is so, what sort of shift might you make? And why would you? “
“Where do intentions come from? They come from a soft, gentle, quiet place. They come from your life purpose, your journey, the why-you’re-here place.”
“Can you make an intention up and then work at it really hard? Sure. But that’s probably based on some unmet need, a perceived ‘missing’ in your life, or some other feeling of not having enough. You’re using an intention to try to accomplish something which may not even be related to what your life is really about. Visit with some old people to learn the wisdom of this. They tell stories of efforting toward what turned out to be empty outcomes.”
“A real intention is much cleaner than that. And simpler. Intentions come from your future, the unfoldment of your journey. Intentions pull you toward them. Intentions encourage.”
“Useful goals, desires, and objectives each probably have an embedded intention. Discover the intention within and let it guide.”
“Coaching Point: Have you yet learned to listen to the soft voice of your intentions?”
Copyright 2011 Steve Straus. All rights reserved
This time of year can be stressful with all of the business and social commitments. My intention is to have them be as harmonious as possible! This week’s focus is on intention. Are your intentions serving you? Do you know what your life purpose is? What course of action do you intend to follow to make that happen?
Reader Responses
“My intention is to have Christmas dinner with 30 to 40 people at my house be as stress-free as possible. Thanks for “Word of the Week” and your thoughtful explanations that always have good intentions, and that sometimes lead to good intentions in others and by others.” – Elaine
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #384: Thank You!
December 14, 2011 by Susan Clarke · Leave a Comment
Thank You! – a conversational expression of gratitude; an acknowledgment of appreciation.
When was the last time someone said Thank You! to you? When was the last time you sent a Thank You! to your customers, guests, members or clients? Does it seem like our society is lacking manners and etiquette?
Last week’s WOW featured the cover story of the November 20th issue of American Profile that read, “THANK YOU! The benefits of expressing gratitude.” I got lots of positive feedback so this week I decided to share more of that article with you. John Kralik, author of “365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life,” had hit the lowest point of his life. He was going through a second, drawn-out divorce, had gained 40 pounds, had lost touch with his two sons, his new girlfriend ended their relationship, he was broke, and his law firm was in the red and about to lose its lease.
Too depressed to enjoy the 2008 New Years Day Tournament of Roses near his home he set off on a hike. That is when an inner voice spoke to him and said, “Until you learn to be grateful for the things you have, you will not receive the things you want.” By the end of the trail he decided to write one personalized thank you note every day for a year. Kralik says, “The exercise took the focus off of me and my problems and put it on the blessings in my life and the things that people were doing for me.”
Within a year, something miraculous happened: He lost weight, turned his law firm around and reconnected with old friends and estranged relatives. “I have a peace inside because I recognize that whatever my momentary difficulties are, I have a good life.”
Kralik says, “A handwritten note gives you greater focus on the other person. It’s almost like a piece you is in the room with them when they read it.” And author Nancy Henderson says, “In this era of emails and tweets, nothing compares to a handwritten note from a real person to a real person. It’s not just a sign of good etiquette; it’s a way to bond.”
This week’s focus is on Thank You! When was the last time someone said Thank You! to you? When was the last time you expressed gratitude and/or appreciation? Did you say it directly to the person or did you send a handwritten note? Who would you like to have stronger bonds with? When was the last time you told them Thank You!?
Reader Responses
“Thank you, Susan, for your ever-thoughtful WOW. And thank you for being YOU!” – Your fan, Margie
“I’m THANKFUL for your friendship and knowing the two of you is a treat!” – Elaine
“Your choice of word is ideal for this time of year. This morning I received a mini-Christmas stocking filled with chocolate bars from my boss, in addition to a note thanking me for all that I do every day at the office. It was unexpected, but it was a great surprise. Right away, I went to her office to thank her for stuffing my stocking and wishing her a Happy Hanukkah. When I read your note, I harkened back to a comment from James Ward, aka “The Food Dude,” at WLS-TV Chicago, who told me once that he reviewed numerous restaurants over the years where the waitstaff replied “no problem,” when he thanked them for their service. It was rare, he told me, that a server would reply, “you’re welcome,” which is the standard and proper reply. I guess we live in an age where people think they are not required to send a thank you note if they say it in person. Even if I say thank you in person, I take the time to pick out a card and write a note in long hand. Also, people opt for the email thank you instead of a card. I read a letter in today’s New York Times from a reader who noted that an email is simply “dashed off,” while a letter or note is “pondered, its stationery is considered, even its stamp is chosen with care…if letters are discarded along with cursive handwriting, we will be all the poorer for it.” I may have mentioned in previous posts how I used to send birthday and holiday cards to the children of very good friends. What was troubling to me, and it still is to this day, that none of the young mothers EVER picked up the phone to thank me for remembering their kids. There was a time recently when I sent an invitation to our home by email and it was never answered. Aside from a lack of manners or civility, there seems to be a lack of communication, even with all of the means of communication at our fingertips. Instead, we seem to be using email AND caller-ID as ways to decide to whom we should or should not answer. It is a shame. But it seems that it is too much trouble to take the time to write a simple thank you note. Our daughters have been taught to do this with every gift they receive. It is an important life habit. Hopefully our example will set people right. Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year, Susan. Every best wish!” – “Warrior” Joe
“I want to say “Thank You” to you for sending us your FUN-damental WOW – Word-of-the-Week sayings. I really enjoy reading them and I also pass them to people to give them a little boost and also to give them something to think about. I am also grateful to call you one of my California friends. Merry Christmas to you and your family, and I wish for you a very prosperous 2012 for WOWs!” – Linda
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #383: Appreciate
December 7, 2011 by Susan Clarke · 4 Comments
Appreciate – to acknowledge the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things.
Do you fully appreciate all of the people in your life? When was the last time you told a family member how much you appreciate them? When was the last time you sent a thank you to your customers, guests, members or clients? Do you ever feel that you are not appreciated and “taken for granted?”
The Holiday season seems to be the time when people most tend to count their blessings and show appreciation. I personally think we need to do that all year long! The cover of the November 20th issue of American Profile read, “THANK YOU! The benefits of expressing gratitude.”
You’ve heard the saying, “Tis better to give then receive.” Nancy Henderson writes, “Gratitude, experts say, is a powerful emotion that makes us feel more connected to the people we love. It boosts our spirits and helps us maintain a positive outlook.”
“People frequently make the mistake of thinking of gratitude as a one-time event that they need to put on their to-do list. This leads to the experience of gratitude as an obligation,” says Richard Nicastro, a psychologist in Las Cruces, NM. “I encourage people to think of gratitude as a mindset, a way of being and a way of viewing the world rather than an isolated event.”
Henderson adds, “But is isn’t enough to feel grateful. You have to show it.” Nate Lambert, a professor of family sciences at Brigham Young University, has been conducting research over the past five years and has found that expressing gratitude helps the giver, not the receiver. “Gratitude works because it takes the focus off the self. All of a sudden you start focusing on what’s good about the person and how that works well with you and suddenly you have a different mindset and a different approach to your relationship. Helping someone else feel valued makes you feel more valued,” Lambert says.
This week’s focus is on acknowledging the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of the people and things around you. Do you tend to be more appreciative around the Holidays? How would it feel to make someone else feel valued? Do you think you can create and maintain an “appreciative mindset?
Reader Responses
“I love it! and I’m grateful to have you as a friend and the best client!!!” – Sandra
“Hi Susan! I appreciate you and your faithfulness to continue to WOW for 383 weeks. That is a lot of work and I always look forward to a good word. Merry Christmas 2011 to you and your Family.” -
Sincerely yours Ken
“Great word for this time of year. As you noted, we need to be reminded of the attitude of gratitude EVERY DAY. A couple of weeks ago I took my father-in-law and his cousin to a basketball game in Madison, WI, between my alma mater, Marquette University, and the University of Wisconsin. I drove my father-in-law up, I bought lunch for them and the tickets for the game. As I remind them, this is just a small token of my appreciation for all that my father-in-law does for us during the year. It also gives him a chance to catch up with his cousin, whom he sees only once a year. My father-in-law is 78 years old, and the opportunities for these kind of get-togethers will be few and far between in the future as he and his cousin grow older. So, I want to take advantage of these opportunities to say thank you. As I watch my daughters grow, I appreciate every moment spent with them and my wife, especially the vacations and holidays. I can’t tell you the number of times I feel I have been taken for granted, especially in the workplace. I try not to think about it and just give every day my best shot. I know that all I have is today, and I do my best to make the most of every opportunity. One of my co-workers and I were talking last week about little things that we notice around us every day, especially in the outdoors. I told her that when I am reading outside in the yard, and I hear the pecking of a woodpecker on a telephone poll. Or the robins calling to each other on the top of a fence. I said we should all stop and try to listen to the grass grow. These are all the great things to appreciate every day. My three-year-old is amazed at how white snow is when it falls from the sky. A few nights ago, I looked up at the full moon in the sky and was just amazed at how bright the light was surrounding the moon. It was beautiful. Let’s enjoy and appreciate all of the little moments. So much for which to be grateful every single day. Take care, Susan. Santa Claus is coming to town!” – “Warrior” Joe
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #382: Moral
December 1, 2011 by Susan Clarke · Leave a Comment
Moral – conforming to standards of what is right or just in behavior and personal character.
Do you make decisions based on what is morally and ethically right? Do you think our society is experiencing moral decay? Have you been shocked by the headlines over the past month?
I have been haunted by the events that occurred at Penn State and shocked by the pepper spraying of shoppers on Black Friday. My first thought is, “What are these people thinking?”
David Brooks article in the New York Times titled, “WHAT IF YOU HAD BEEN IN PATERNO’S SHOES?” states, “First came the atrocity, then came the vanity. The atrocity is what Jerry Sandusky has been accused of doing at Penn State. The vanity is the outraged reaction of a zillion commentators who say they would behaved better. They would have taken action and stopped any sexual assaults.”
“Unfortunately, none of us can safely make that assumption. Over the course of history – during the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocide or the street beatings that happen in American neighborhoods – the same pattern has emerged. Many people do not intervene. Very often they see but they don’t see. So many people do nothing while witnessing ongoing crimes, psychologists have a name for it: The Bystander Effect. The more people are around to witness the crime, the less likely that are to intervene.”
“People are really good at self-deception. We attend to the facts we like and suppress the ones we don’t. We inflate our own virtues and predict we will behave more nobly than we actually do. Instead of asking, ‘How could they have let this happen?’ The proper question is: How can we ourselves overcome our natural tendency to evade and self-deceive? That was the proper question after Abu Ghraib, Bernie Madoff, the Wall Street follies and a thousand other scandals. But it’s a question this society has a hard time asking because the most seductive evasion is the one that leads us to deny the underside of our own nature.”
This week let’s focus on what is morally right. If human nature is to not intervene then we need to make a conscious decision to do just the opposite. Do you believe that by being aware of our natural tendency to evade and self-deceive, we can change that behavior?
Reader Responses
“Right on, Susan! You really hit the nail on the head. Thank you for speaking up.” – Margie
“The Penn State situation is shocking because none of us who follow sports ever believed that such a thing could happen under the nose of Coach Joe Paterno, who has basically been a paragon of virtue during the 61 years he has worked at Penn State. It was just hard for people to believe that “ordinary” Joe would allow this to go on. What happens in these situations with big schools or companies is that the damage control instituted is designed not to excise the cancer but to protect the bigger company. The individuals who were abused, many of them came from broken homes, none of which could have added to the endowment of the university. So, because they are voiceless, cloutless and from broken homes, they don’t matter. What is lost is that they are human beings. THESE ARE LIVES. These young people have feelings and emotions and futures, that have been compromised badly. How will they go on? The mindset of “protecting the brand” and settling cases is what started the Catholic Church down the road to ruin. What a shame! When it was Joe Paterno, the reaction was, “Whom do I believe and/or look up to anymore?” If you can’t trust JoePa, whom do you trust? It seems that Syracuse University has taken the same tack in the Bernie Fine situation. The university fired the longtime assistant coach, while retaining the basketball coach Jim Boeheim. And what did he know about his assistant and when did he know it? Fine has been beside Boeheim’s side for 36 years. But the university head decided to keep the coach. We will see how long he keeps his job. What I told a friend, who is a big Penn State fan, is that these men, who we put on a pedestal, are HUMAN BEINGS. They are prone to moral lapses, just like the rest of us. So, if we are not careful, we are prone to be disappointed by human beings. It happens. All we can hope for is that they – and WE – do the right thing. We can’t turn our heads just because it does not directly involve us. Too many lives could be ruined. Life is too short. Thanks, Susan. Hopefully we will get through this, but it is a stain on too many. May God bless the ones who have been hurt. Thanks, Susan. Take care.” – “Warrior” Joe