WOW Word-Of-the-Week #401: Friends
April 10, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Leave a Comment
Friends – people you know well and regard with affection and trust.
How many “true” friends would you say you have? How often do you spend time with them? Have you ever missed times with your friends because you felt work was more important?
This is the final WOW featuring excerpts from Bronnie Ware’s book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.”
“4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Happy Family & Friends!
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”
This week’s focus is on friends. In case you didn’t know it, we were put on this earth to love and be loved! Have you stayed in contact with your old friends? When was the last time you laughed out loud? Or how about the last time you had some silliness?
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #400: Lifestyle
April 5, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Leave a Comment
Lifestyle – a way of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person.
Do you wish anything in your life were different? Do you have any unfulfilled dreams? Do you ever feel disappointed about choices you have or have not made?
This is the second of three WOW’s featuring excerpts from Bronnie Ware’s book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.”
“2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.”
This week’s focus is on your lifestyle. Are you living a life that reflects your attitudes and values? Are you spending quality time with your family? Are you expressing how you feel? Do you have the courage to make changes even if it means others may not be happy by that choice?
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #399: Regret
March 27, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Leave a Comment
Regret – a feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.
Do you wish anything in your life were different? Do you have any unfulfilled dreams? Do you ever feel disappointed about choices you have or have not made?
Bill Marvin, the Restaurant Doctor, recently featured excerpts from Bronnie Ware’s book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing.” In his weekly House Call he wrote, “An article like this may seem a bit out of place, but the reason I do what I do is to help improve your quality of life. Some of that is professional and some — like this piece — is more personal. Her observations really had me reflecting on my own habits (particularly #2) and I’m making some adjustments while I still can.”
I am going to share the five most common regrets in my next three WOW’s
Bronnie Ware says, “For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
This week’s focus is on regret. Is it time to make some adjustments? Are you living your life based on someone else’s expectations? What would it take for you to fulfill those dreams you have put off?
WOW Word-Of-the-Week #398: Resentment
March 22, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Leave a Comment
Resentment – anger, bitterness, or ill will.
Have you had an emotionally disturbing experience that you seem to keep reliving in your mind? Do you have a habit of accepting negative treatment without voicing any protest? Do you feel that your achievements go unrecognized, while others succeed without working as hard?
Once again I received one of S T E V E ‘ S….3 – M I N U T E…. C O A C H I N G emails and thought it was very profound. He writes, “What an experience resentment is. A roller coaster ride of emotions. A depletion of energy. An internal journey to….where?
We’re all familiar with anger. It’s loud, clear, and easily felt. Getting on top of, and handling, anger is a well-known life improver. Resentment is subtler than anger and its presence is frequently overlooked.
The essence of resentment is that it is totally an ‘inside job.’ No matter what happens on the outside — what ‘they’ do — when you are 
experiencing resentment it is by your own hand. This may seem a harsh assessment to you, but think about it for a moment.
Feeling resentment means you are sitting in judgment, tapping into your deepest internal programming about what you think is right and wrong, and are choosing (sure, it’s unconscious, but it’s a choice nonetheless) to experience a physical and emotional reaction. The cost of the feeling of resentment is thus totally borne by you. The outer world changes not at all.
The good news is that when you become conscious of experiencing resentment you become at choice as to whether you want to continue to pay the price. Simple awareness can lead to you letting go of resentment. It serves no useful purpose to keep it.
Coaching Point: Do you resent hearing this?
Copyright 2012 Steve Straus. All rights reserved.
Interestingly I found this on Wikipedia, “Robert C. Solomon, a professor of continental philosophy at the University of Texas at Austin, places resentment on the same line-continuum with contempt and anger. According to him, the differences between the three emotions are as follows: resentment is directed towards higher-status individuals, anger is directed towards equal-status individuals and contempt is directed towards lower-status individuals.”
This week’s focus is on resentment. Do you ever feel used or taken advantage of by others? Are you harboring any ill will for someone? Did you know that resentment does not have any direct negative effects on the person resented? If it serves no useful purpose to keep it, wouldn’t it be easy for you to let go of your resentment?
Reader Responses
“Forgive to be free. Forget you have forgiven to be freer.” – Bob
FUN-travel: South America: Regent 7 Seas Cruise – 22 Days – Amazon River to Devils Island, French Guiana
March 16, 2012 by Susan Clarke · Leave a Comment
Day 36 – Saturday, March 10 – Amazon River to Atlantic Ocean – Sunrise 6:24 – Sunset 6:30 – socked in w/clouds & rain
Really, Really Good Day!
Devil's Island
- 8:00 – wake up to cup of really, really hot cappuccino in room courtesy of my love
- 8:30 – down to deck 6 for more cappuccino
- 9:55 – breakfast of fresh fruit on Veranda
- Good News – 10:15 – sun breaks through!
- Lunch 12:30 – Officers BBQ – they grill & serve their favorite dishes – lots of very different ethnic dishes
- 1:00 – ice carving demonstration on pool deck
- 1:15 – swim in the Amazon w/new cruise mate friends Katie & Phillip – LOL!
Swimming in the Amazon - LOL
- 2:30 – Wine Tasting – Napa Valley – 2 Sauvignon Blancs & 2 Cabernets – Sequoia Grove is fabulous (we were there in December 2011)
- 3:30 – back to room for siesta
- 7:30 – happy hour @ favorite lounge deck 6
- Dinner – 8:00 – Signatures – another great meal! (clearly this & Prime 7 much better quality)
- 9:30 – Main Theater – Liar’s Club – consists of a 4 passenger team guessing if the 4 crew member team is lying or telling the truth – pretty good entertainment
Prison Ruins
FF (FUN-fact) – More than one-third of all species in the world live in the Amazon Rainforest. And the area stretches more than 2,100,000 square miles.
More FF – The Amazon Basin, the largest in the world, covers about 30% of South America and almost as large as the continental US.
Day 37 – Sunday, March 11 – Devil’s Island, French Guiana – Sunrise 6:36 – Sunset 6:44 – full on sun – humid, high 80′s
- 7:30 – wake up to cup of really, really hot cappuccino in room courtesy of my love
- Bad News – arrive at 8 am instead of 1 pm due to medical emergency
- Good News – able to shift into “planned spontaneity mode”
- 8:00 – down to deck 6 for more cappuccino
- 9:00 – sit & wait for tender to Island
Egret
- 9:30 – arrive – nice walk around island takes 2 hrs – see prison ruins, church, children’s cemetery - see monkey, peacocks, pig & funny little rodent called agoutis (looks like reddish guinea pig on stilts)
- Lunch – Caribbean BBQ – thank god for the pizzeria!
- Bad News – Chris starts sneezing & coughing
- Good News – take siesta
- 7:00 – happy hour @ favorite lounge deck 6
- Dinner – La Veranda – French Bistro again – getting a bit boring
FF – Devil’s Island is one of three small islands clustered together lying 6-miles off the coast of French Guiana. The group is collectively known as the Salvation Islands. Royale Island was the home of one of the most infamous prisons in history. The movie Papillon was based on the story of the only prisoner that escaped. The almost in-accessible Devil’s Island held political prisoners.